Break your ribs.........Its Healthy

2008-12-18T22:53:00.000-08:00

Four friends, who hadn"t seen each other in 30 years, reunited at
a party .

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at
a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics
and
Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder
and now he"s the president of the company. He became so rich that he
gave his best
friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that"s terrific! My son is also my pride
and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight
school to
become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he
owns the majority of its assets He"s so rich that he gave his best
friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that"s terrific! My son studied in the best
universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own
construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away
something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday:
A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned
from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"

One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the
successes of our sons. ...What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a
stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame... what a disappointment."

The fourth man replied: "No, I"m not ashamed. He"s my son and I love
him. And he hasn"t done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago,
and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet
and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

Sex according to Pastor Khathide (Ugandan)

2008-12-09T06:10:00.000-08:00

A lot of people don"t associate sex with God – they associate it with Satan and darkness, as if sex weren"t holy. The bible is explicit when it comes to sex. Sex is holy within marriage, and there is no prescribed style. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that the missionary position is the only sexual style. Not discussing sex in a relationship leads to divorce!!!!!.

Pastor Khathide has counseled women who"ve complained: my husband treats me as if I were his brother. There was one who told him: I am tired of getting sex fortnightly, like a salary. Khathide told her she was lucky to be getting sex fortnightly, since some wives only get it on big days, like elections, public holidays, Christmas days and during workers’ strike.

Many husbands leave their wives to seek sexual pleasures in Hillbrow. Have you ever asked yourself what those wives have that you don"t. Wives have become very frigid and even sleep with
their panties. If you"re a married woman, you should sleep naked and let your bum touch your husband. Today you find men going out of their way to get a glimpse of a vagina. They page through magazines and even go to lingerie departments in stores hoping to see what"s hidden under panties,
because their wives hide it from them.

Marriage is about being free with your body in front of your partner. A woman should parade naked and do some modeling to tempt her husband. There are many married women who don"t know
what their husbands" penises look like. They only feel it when he enters her. They"ve never touched it, let alone see it, because the husband switches off the lights before undressing. A penis is a wife"s toy - she is supposed to play with it.

He blames couples for not making time for sex and
complaining about being tired after a day"s work. You find many couples
who"ve been sexually starved for years. God created sex for procreation and also for pleasure.
You can"t marry and not have a good time in bed.

WHO SAID YOU CAN ONLY HAVE SEX AT NIGHT?
Why can"t you drive home during lunch and have a quickie with your wife?
We"re all equal in sex - it"s not just about a woman satisfying a man. You have to satisfy each other.
Have you ever seen a woman who has been satisfied? Have u noticed how she glows and becomes energetic? May the Lord Bless you. This is the "Whole Truth, Nothing But The Truth" so God Help Us From The Beginning.

A LETTER TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren"t in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn"t want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there"s a crack in the ceiling
4 times y ou told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

KEEP READING.......
TO M Y DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are thereasons you didn"t get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and was not available
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn"t come
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
0 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and some one kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was runny
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book

98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on T V

Of the times we did get together: The reason I laid still was because you missed and were
screwing the sheets.
I wasn"t talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I
said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was
trying to breathe.

2008-12-04T02:18:00.000-08:00

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man"s 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don"t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don"t have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can"t believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn"t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.